I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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