I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
