yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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