I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
