doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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