I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
