Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
