After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
