that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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