Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
