I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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