There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
