were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
