K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
