You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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