actually, I'm a sock model
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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