Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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