I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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