Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
