Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
did you just send me my own nude
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
