Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
