C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
