I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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