Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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