I wish you could order shots online.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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