Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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