I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
