i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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