Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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