your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
