That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
