we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
