I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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