my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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