hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
