i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
