but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
