Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
