I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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