Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
from now on my penis is your penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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