That's intense
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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