i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
