Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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