If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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