I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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