A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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