neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
