my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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