my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
a search helicopter?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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