Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
