That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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