my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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