thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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