You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
